It’s been about three months since I began changing my diet and most importantly my mind. It took me that long to realize, that it’s not just about healthy choices but how I think about and live my life. I don’t want to be obese, tired of every step I take, sick and unhealthy. I don’t want to be diabetic and I don’t want to feel like I have to hide myself.
A few things have helped guide me toward making healthier choices. One, was when I went emergency shopping for some pants. (Emergency, because I had no work pants that fit). I was in the fitting room trying some Dickies stretch pants on. I though I had grabbed a size 11 in juniors size when I glanced at the tag. There it was, I had been avoiding it all this time. SIZE 15! I bought them because I refused to go the plus size part of the store. I put them on with a somewhat loose shirt, trying to hide my shame. I was embarrassed, they fit so tight, I couldn’t put anything in my pockets. That sounds funny, but I was sad, I really was. I kept asking how I got to this point.
The second was my moms fault. Four months after I had given birth I lost 30 of the 35 lbs that I had gained. I was at 165 lbs and my baby was just 4 months old. I felt so good to be out of maternity pants and all my other stretchy clothes. I was having a conversation with my mom about losing more weight and she said; “Oh no, you don’t have to worry about that, when your baby is around 5 months if you keep breastfeeding she’ll suck you dry”. “You’ll be able to eat all day and you’ll just lose weight.” I though, sweet. Free food for my baby, lose more weight and eat whatever I want. Aaaaah heaven I though, because if there is one thing I enjoy doing, it’s eating. It’s true, to sit down and chow down on some good food, taking your time to smell and taste, what more can I ask for. So I ate, but I chose all the unhealthiest food. Doughnuts with coffee, burgers, eating out, sweets, salty lol. I indulged too much and then bam! I was in the fitting room of some tiny store stuffed into stretch pants, size 15. There and then was my wakeup call. I started my seasonal job where I had to take a picture. They made me an I.D. card, I didn’t recognize myself. my cheeks, my other chin was creeping into my face. Oh hell no, I was pissed.
It’s mid March and I’ve lost 13 lbs, I am at 176 I started at 187. I will post some picture as soon as I find my camera charger.